the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
