a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
