overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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