Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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