I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
