So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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