my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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