OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
