Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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