when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
