shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
