what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
ttyl tear gas
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize