She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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