We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
