My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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