I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
