I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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