I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
