I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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