I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
