Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
