Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
