That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
