How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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