I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
