is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
