he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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