sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you traded sex for a burrito?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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