Capitaan dildo arrescate!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
50% drunk capacity currently
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
