Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
