guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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