No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
