Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
