Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
