I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
