I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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