Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
