God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
