my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
