eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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