I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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