You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
