What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
