I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
