that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
