some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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