I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We were destined to go to rehab together
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
