Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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