can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Never joke about your clitoris.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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