Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
