I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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