Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
