So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
