I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
