Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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