ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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