I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
