I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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