I like to think it a success when the cops are called
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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