I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
