About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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