I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
