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I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We had sex on a dog bed..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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