Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
