Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
