i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
