ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
