just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
