If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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