It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize