well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
