why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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