Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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