we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
organizing the empties. That sober.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
