I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
