the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
