I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
