One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
