I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
