two words: eviction party
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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