i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
