I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
