Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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