His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why do cheetos always look like penises
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Randomize
