Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
