yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
