In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The ass gains better be worth it
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