Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
